


My Favorite Sitter

by butterflyslinky



Category: That Guy with the Glasses/Channel Awesome
Genre: Crack, Gen, Kid Fic, Mara Wilson's Revenge, Minor Critic/Chick if you squint, Post-The Review Must Go On
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-11
Updated: 2014-12-11
Packaged: 2018-03-01 02:16:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2755832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/butterflyslinky/pseuds/butterflyslinky
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Chick wants her monopoly back. Mara Wilson wants revenge. Evilina wants to keep her favorite sitter safe. Critic just wants to be left alone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	My Favorite Sitter

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Alixtii](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alixtii/gifts).



> I tried to fulfill all your wishes, dear recipient, and I hope this is to your liking. Happy whatever holiday you celebrate!

“Hello, I’m the Nostalgia Critic.”

Never had five words both irked and elevated her so much. Her head was screaming _He’s alive! You’ve lost your monopoly and he’s going to run you out of your niche market because he’s a guy and he did it first!_

But her heart said _He’s alive! You’re not alone anymore!_

She was so confused, so frustrated, so angry, and yet so relieved at the news. She didn’t know what to do next, what to say, whether to listen to reason and get rid of him, or go back to him and the life of fighting and teasing and yes, comfort they had shared.

It was during her ruminations on this development that there was a knock on the door. Chick didn’t want to get up, so she didn’t. She didn’t even feel like yelling at Nella to answer the door. She didn’t want to talk to anybody right now.

But then the door flew off its hinges and hit the back wall and the apartment was suddenly bathed in red light.

“Hello, Lindsay,” a low, evil voice said. “The time for revenge is at hand.”

Mara Wilson stepped into the room and stood in front of Chick, glaring.

Chick groaned. “What do you want?”

“The Nostalgia Critic is alive,” Mara said. “And I will take my revenge!”

“By killing me?”

“Perhaps,” Mara conceded. “But I wanted to offer you the choice. I can get to him by destroying you…or you can join me and we can destroy him together!”

Chick thought about that. “What’s in it for me?”

“You’ll get the monopoly back, and the website. You won’t have to deal with his irritating whining and shrieking. And if you help me take my revenge on him, I’ll help you eliminate any others who stand in your way!”

Chick thought about it. That did make sense, and having Mara Wilson on her side would be very useful. “Okay,” Chick said. “Where do we start?”

Mara smiled wickedly. 

*

Critic was not having a good day.

He had been woken very early when Rob had come in and told him to get his lazy ass out of bed, then he had to spend the morning watching some god-awful nostalgic movie that was so bad that not even yelling at his underlings made him feel any better. And to top it all off, Mr. Zebub had shown up that afternoon with Evilina in tow, telling Critic that he needed to babysit her for the next week.

So here he was, a little after six, _Horton Hears a Who_ playing on the TV while Evilina sat on the floor in her pajamas eating a bowl of macaroni and cheese. Critic was lying on the couch, trying to figure out who he could possibly dump the kid on for a little while so he could actually get his work done.

Unfortunately, Rob, Malcolm and Tamara had made themselves scarce the moment Mr. Zebub showed up, Spoony and Snob weren’t answering their phones, and he couldn’t remember where he had put Hyper’s number, so he had just decided to plop the child in front of the TV and hope she would stay quiet through the evening.

It had been working until there was another knock on the door. Critic groaned and pulled his hat over his face.

“Mr. Critic?” Evilina asked. “Shouldn’t you see who it is?”

“Yeah,” Critic sighed. “Just give me a sec.” He hauled himself off the couch and stumbled across the room to open the door. “What?” he snapped.

Chick raised her eyebrows. “Whoa, what did I do?”

“Oh.” Critic sighed. “Come on in, Nostalgia Chick.” He let her go into the house. She went to the couch, waving at Evilina, and sat down.

“ _Horton Hears a Who?_ ” she asked, glancing at the TV.

“Kid’s choice,” Critic mumbled. “What did you want?” 

“Just wanted to see you,” Chick said. “I haven’t since you got back and…” 

“Oh.” Critic didn’t know what to say. He had grown uncomfortably good at interpreting Chick’s silences. “I mean…yeah.” 

“Yeah.” 

They sat awkwardly for a moment, staring at each other. Evilina glanced at them. “Are you gonna kiss?” she asked innocently. 

They jumped. “What? No!” Critic exclaimed. “No, we were just…” 

“Going to have a talk,” Chick supplied. “A grown-up talk.” She turned and finally seemed to take in the sight of the little girl in pink pajamas, still wearing her feather boa and tiara. “Who the hell is she, anyway?” 

“Interesting word choice,” Critic observed. “This is Evilina Zebub…she’s the Spawn of Satan. Literally.” 

Chick raised her eyebrows. “Really?” 

“Really,” Evilina said. “My daddy is the Devil!” 

Chick looked a bit nervous at those words, like most people did when they learned who Evilina was. “Right,” she said. “Well…like I said, Critic and I need to have a grown-up talk, so…” 

“It’s just about your bed time anyway,” Critic said quickly. “Are you done with your mac and cheese?” 

“Yep!” Evilina stood up happily and put the bowl on the coffee table. 

“Great,” Critic said. “Go brush your teeth and I’ll tuck you in.” 

Chick watched in confusion and slight amusement as Critic get Evilina ready for bed and put her to sleep in his room. Once the girl was asleep, Critic came back to the living room and shut off the TV. “So,” he said. “What did you want to talk about?” 

“It’s about the monopoly,” she said. “I had it before you came back.” 

He sighed. “Yeah, I know.” He looked down. “But…I had to come back.” 

“Why?” Chick asked. “We were doing fine without you.” 

Critic looked up, trying not to look as hurt as he felt. “But I wasn’t,” he said. “I need to be here…and…and you’re not doing too badly with me here, right?” 

Chick hesitated. “Well…no,” she admitted. “But I don’t think you’re doing too well, either.” 

“What do you mean?” Critic gestured wildly around. “I’m fine! Peachy, even! Why wouldn’t I be fine?” 

Chick smiled in a way Critic had never liked. “Correction,” she said. “You’re not going to be fine very long.” 

Before Critic could respond, the door flew open and an eerie red light filled the room. “Hello, Critic.” 

Critic turned and let out a very unmanly scream as Mara Wilson came into the room. “I see you haven’t forgotten me,” she said, stepping up to him. Critic instinctively grabbed for Chick to hide behind, but she sidestepped him easily and stood by Mara’s side. 

“Et tu, Nostalgia Chick?” Critic asked helplessly as Mara reached out and grabbed him by the throat. 

“My monopoly,” she said sweetly. “My site. As soon as you’re gone!” 

"You won’t win!” Critic gasped. “I mean…you take your petty revenge, you get the site…they aren’t going to stand down!” 

“Won’t they, though?” Mara asked. “Anyone who fights will be eliminated.” 

“So you want to fight everyone else on the site for it?” Critic asked in desperation. “I know Linkara’s already made plans to take over if I’m gone!” 

The women rolled their eyes. “As if he could stand up to me,” Mara said. “He doesn’t even have Reviewer Immortality.” 

“But I do!” Critic pointed out quickly. 

“Which is going to make it all the more fun to kill you,” Mara said. “Over and over again…” 

“Unless you just want to go away?” Chick offered. “Be our good little boy? Let us run the show?” 

“But…” Critic glanced between them. “Um…can I think about it?” 

“You have about ten seconds,” Mara warned. 

But before Critic could say anything, a small voice called out, “Mr. Critic?” 

They all three turned to see Evilina wandering down the hall, clutching a rather demonic looking teddy bear in her arms. She looked at them with wide, innocent eyes. 

“Um…” Mara and Chick exchanged a look. They couldn’t very well kill someone in front of a small child. 

“Mr. Critic, I’m scared.” 

Critic looked to Mara. “Can I take care of her first?” he whispered. 

Mara let him go and he went to Evilina’s side. “What’s the matter?” he asked, hoping she would keep talking for a while. 

“I had a bad dream,” Evilina said. She looked up at Mara. “And you were in it!” 

“Well, I am the stuff of nightmares,” Mara mumbled. 

“I know.” Evilina started sucking her thumb. “But you never did anything like this!” 

“You usually don’t see me at work.” Mara seemed quite perturbed. “Your dad hasn’t brought you over yet.” 

Evilina’s eyes were filling with tears. “Please don’t hurt Mr. Critic!” she begged. “He’s my favorite sitter!” 

Chick looked like she didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. “But…” She looked helplessly at Critic. “That’s the whole point of Mara Wilson…to take revenge on the people who defamed her movies.” 

Rather than quiet her, the words just seemed to make Evilina angry. “Oh, yeah?” She drew herself up to her full height. “Well, I say different! I’m heir to Hell and I say you have to leave Mr. Critic alone!” 

Mara was shocked. “But…you’re not my boss yet!” 

“I’ll tell Daddy if you hurt him anymore!” Evilina glared harder. “And he’ll make you come back to Hell and won’t let you torment anyone for three whole centuries!” 

Critic didn’t move, just stayed crouched next to Evilina and hoped that Mara would listen to her. 

Mara sighed. “Fine,” she said. “But your protection only extends to him. I’ll torment anyone else I see fit!” 

“Fine.” Evilina kept pouting until Mara turned and swept out of the house. 

There was a ringing silence for several minutes before Chick finally spoke. “Um…I’ll just…see myself out then.” 

Critic glared. “You think I’m letting you off that easy?” 

She rolled her eyes. “What are you even going to do to me?” Chick asked. “I just distracted you for ten minutes.” 

He sighed. “Fine, whatever.” He stood up. “Come on, kiddo, let’s get you back to bed.” 

Chick left the house as Critic led Evilina back to bed and tucked her in. “Mr. Critic?” Evilina asked sleepily. 

“Yeah?” 

“Are you gonna be okay?” 

Critic smiled. “Yeah,” he said. “Thanks for helping me.” 

“You’re welcome.” Her eyes closed. “You’re my favorite sitter.” 

“And you’re my favorite kid.” Critic stood up and turned out the light. “Good night, kiddo.”


End file.
